Family Reunions and Counseling ...

With the Summer winding down for most people, it got me thinking to traditional events that take place during the summer. For so many, the summer months are a great time to organize family reunions. I find this interesting. Why do we choose the most miserable months to get together with so many people, often many of them making us feel even more miserable?

Could it be that we time these events so that we can actually feel better about ourselves? You know what I'm talking about. Everyone appreciates the fact that you have that one, or maybe several, weird relative, or relatives, that allow you to go home and feel completely normal about your life. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I hate to be the first one to clue you into the fact that it's you. Don't worry, God still loves you.

Funny thing is, my family isn't really big on reunions. Either that or I never get invited. The last reunion that I actually remember was my wedding ... 12 years ago. As you can see, we're a sentimental bunch. However, that reunion left memories that still hold strong. I'll never forget my grandmother sending so many to counseling that summer. Apparently, she and her half gallon of bourbon felt that she still had that swagger with the young guys. The only problem was that she spawned the generation that produced those younger guys. I can only imagine those poor saps rocking themselves to sleep in a corner with tears streaming down their faces. Lucky for me, she knew me well enough to bypass me. Needless to say, the thought of another family reunion gives me pause.

The crazy thing about family reunions, especially large ones (I actually have friends who do this sort of thing), is that you have all of these people getting together, and really the beginning goes back to simply two people who fell in love. Two people have the ability to put into motion the beginning of a large nation. What's even more exciting to think about is the kind of legacy those two people can create when strategic about raising their family.

I'm in no rush to see my kids grow up (although I would pay money for my youngest to be potty trained), but I wonder what kind of legacy my wife and I are beginning in our home. Will we spawn a large, branching family tree? Will our hopes and vision for life carry through the generations? I wish there was a way to see into the future (that would allow me to take someone out, if needed ... just kidding) and get a glimpse of what your actions today will create tomorrow. Will our family get together to celebrate during the treacherous summer months, or will they live separated lives (I certainly hope not)?

In the same way, I find it amazing that with the hundreds of laws that exist in the Bible, Jesus had the insight to simplify it for us with just two, and both of those deal with love. Love God, and Love Others. If you can do that, you don't even have to know what the other 600 plus laws of the Bible are. You're already following them. It's amazing to me how complicated we have made faith over the centuries with theology, and even competing theologies at that, church models, denominations, eschatology, and the list goes on, when all we really need to do is Love God, and Love Others. I bet you didn't see a moral lesson coming into this at the beginning, did you? That's what get for trusting me ...

Contradicting Desires ...

I read an interesting Proverb this morning, that I actually heard in a message while visiting Atlanta. The verse comes out of Proverbs 30:8. It basically says, "Don't give me riches, or poverty, but just what I need for each day." It then goes on to explain why such a request was made.

Riches aren't to be desired because that desire can never be satisfied. Think about it. Some of the most miserable people are the wealthiest in the world. I've heard it said before, but I cannot verify with fact, that the highest suicide rate per capita is Beverly Hills, Ca. Truth be told, I actually have to make an effort not to desire riches. I want a bigger house, I want nicer televisions, cars, clothes, etc. I want an iPhone, although I think that one should be Biblical, because it's just good stewardship. The bottom line, my natural bent is to want riches, but I have to make the effort not to obsess over them.

In the same way that riches are not to be desired, neither is poverty. This one may seem a bit funny to you, but to desire poverty can be just as much of a trap as desiring riches, but with differing effects. First of all, there have been people in history who have wanted poverty. Of course, not nearly as many who have desired wealth, but they do exist. The thing about poverty, according to this verse is that is stirs up anger in the hearts of those who suffer by it. They feel that their lives are filled with injustice. Funny how we live in the richest nation in the world, and most other countries don't like us very much. Is it because we are so evil, or because of their poverty, perhaps both?

The funny thing is, this prayer seems so dead on; "Just give me what I actually need", yet I am hesitant to pray that myself. I don't think that I'm a glutton in any way, nor do I have false expectations that I'll ever been wealthy by U.S. standards. However, there are still things that I desire, things that I foolishly believe will make me happier if I have them, but I know those things could never be something that I need. So I hesitate. Dare I say a prayer like this and run the risk of it being answered and never seeing any of those things? Dare I actually trust in the wisdom of this prayer and trust that I won't even think about those things if I actually have what I need? What if the whole world were willing to only have what it needs? I know, someone, somewhere is screaming Communism, but that isn't what any of those people want, so it doesn't count.

Seriously, though, why am I, and so many others, perhaps even you, so afraid to say that prayer and fervently mean it; "Lord, please don't give me too much, lest it corrupt me, nor too little, lest it embitter me, but just give me what I actually need to do Your will in life, and to feel content." What are we afraid of losing, thinking that somehow, a bit of our own happiness will bleed out with it? Is that even the condition with which God will even answer a prayer such as this? If we desire contentment, will not God also allow us pleasures in life, whether they be material goods or not? He is a good God, after all. So what would hold you back from saying such a prayer? Personally, I don't want anything to hold me back from such a prayer. Therefore, I have to find a way to look past the mental barriers that say, "Wait! Before you say that prayer, consider that it might mean losing this thing, or that thing." Who cares? The reality is there isn't anything that I 'want' today that will really matter to me in 10-15 years from now, but I will always want peace, contentment, and God in my life.

Coffee Boundaries

Do you know what I like about coffee? A lot actually ... except the part that causes my tummy to do things I really don't want to mention here. What I like about coffee is the mood it puts me in. When I smell those roasted beans, hear the machine singing to me, and looked at my coffee mug that represents something sturdy and ready to easily handle the scalding bean juice I'm about to put into it, there is a sense that tells me, "It's okay to just slow down and enjoy this moment for what it is."

That's when my world tends to slow down a bit, and I have to admit, that is certainly a nice feeling, because our society constantly thrusts a pace of life on me that is just too hard to handle most of the time. Once my brain has shifted gears and gone into peaceful mode, I tend to want to read something that is now able to mold my mind and stretch it in new ways. This is entirely impossible when I am trying to manage to the rushing rivers of information and tasks that is my life. You think you have your life controlled when you schedule everything and list you tasks for the day in a nice, neat list, with times for everything, but only tends to be about a third of what your actual day consists of. Okay, tangent...

No, when I have my coffee, I get to be at peace. I have a permission card, a hallway pass, a doctors script that says, sit somewhere comfortable, sip slowly, and allow yourself to simply enjoy the moment. I have even found that reading a book that talks about coffee while enjoying coffee enhances the experience. When I'm done with my coffee, I feel somewhat refreshed, like a cold glass of water after doing yard work for two hours. And those thoughts and challenges that my mind was enjoying actually continue for some time afterwards.

You see, for me, coffee gives me something that I have yet to find in any stores, online shopping sites, or anywhere else for that matter. I stop sign for the world to obey so that I can have a moment to gather my thoughts and let my mind take in a much needed deep breath.

Just Wondering

I wonder if the likes of people like Billy Graham, John Wesley, and such had moments like mine this morning. I wake up at 4:30am to have a good, quality study time only to be joined by my daughter refusing to go back to bed.

If that wasn't enough, she continually broke the silence covenant and nagged about anything that crossed her mind until I allowed her to make her own PBJ (total mistake). After making the sandwich for her, I then proceeded to try and get back to my studies. Only to notice said daughter licking the couch. Why you ask? Because she dripped jelly all over it. So when I try and coach her into using a paper towel like the rest of the human race, she informs me that she really likes jelly, therefore, she prefers this method (task #1 - finish study time, task #2 - clean couch).

So after my darling princess is fed, she is off to color ... peace at last. What's this? Faint crying? The boy is waking up ... it's now 6am. So I rush off to get the boy, change his diaper, hook him up with cereal and milk, and then get back to my reading. Things are progressing quite well, until my darling boy walks over to me with the sweetest look in his eyes and invites himself into my lap. How can I refuse, right? So there I am snuggled with my boy, daughter creating her next masterpiece, finishing my reading, and enjoying life ... what's that smell? Like you need to ask.

The boy has decided to create his own masterpiece, if you could even call such a thing as what he did a masterpiece. So after doing the "deed", I survey the house ... total disaster. How long have these kids been awake? Then it hits me. I wonder if the great theologians, great pastors of our time, and throughout history ever had their study time interrupted by PBJ, couch licking, and snuggling boys with poopy diapers? Just wondering, that's all.

Is It Too Chaotic??

As more and more debate surfaces about Health Care in our nation, I felt the need to weigh in on the matter. Of course, I don't want to give the impression that I know more than most on the subject, but I do have some thoughts.

As it currently stands (and this is to the best of my knowledge) we have a health care system that is pretty privatized. If you decide to have health insurance; great. If you don't, it isn't required to live in this country. In addition, places of employment make themselves more appealing by offering health benefits to employees, either free of cost or with some assistance. What our nation seems to be debating about is whether or not health care is a right, and whether or not the government should provide health care for anyone and everyone.

Personally, I don't have any issues with everyone having health insurance. I guess I have my concerns about it being run by the government, not because they are evil people, but typically organizations run purely by the government aren't the highest quality.

One of the arguments for universal health care is the the rising cost of insurance is beyond the means of those who currently don't have health insurance. I believe that is a fair assessment. However, do we throw out the baby with the bath water? In other words, because insurance is too expensive, do we kill a system that has produced a level of health care that by far is superior to most countries?

Let's say our country goes in the direction of universal healthcare, and everyone now has health insurance. The biggest challenge I see is how can the government afford this without seriously raising taxes on everyone? The second concern I have is the level of quality in our health care system drastically declining. Reports and testimonies from people who have lived in Canada, England, or France confirm this concern. The other issue I have is that while government takes over healthcare, Pharmaceutical companies continue to make the same level of profit, along with technologies and so forth. Couldn't it be argued that the out of control costs on technologies, supplies, drugs, and litigation are really what are making health care unaffordable for everyone? Again, I'm no expert in this matter, I only feel the need to ask the questions and demand a reasonable answer (Of course, I know my friend George will weigh heavily on this topic).

So I know this blog sounds like an argument against universal health care. I'm not sure I'm against it, I'm just very suspicious of a plan in which the politicians themselves, and all the movie stars cry for, yet wouldn't dream of limiting themselves to. To me it's no different than allowing school systems to become what they become because they know they won't have to send their kids there. If we were to have a "Universal" system, it should include those who want to perpetuate it on the American people themselves. That's like these people saying we should all drive Ford Hybrids because it's good for the people, and it will help our economy and allow everyone to own a vehicle, yet they will drive Lexus, Mercedes, etc.

I think they should consider a Universal Health Plan, but one that everyone utilizes, and one that reduces the overall cost of health care by putting caps on what drug companies can charge, and on what physicians can charge on services and such. We would seriously regret the decision to simply create a carbon copy of systems that poorly maintain health care for a fraction of the population in which are. I guess the last question I have is whether or not our current system, and the plans that our government want to enact are simply too chaotic for any peaceful resolve? So many people have their hand in the pot and what to keep what is theirs. Is their really a good solution here, or will this be one of those things that has to utterly crash and burn before it can be rebuilt again?

The Rewards of the Unappealing

I did the unthinkable this morning (at least the unthinkable to me). I got up before 6am and went to my brother-in-laws Kickboxing class. Keep in mind, he is a professional fighter, a surly South African, and he loves to see us suffer (no harm intended Philip). Needless to say, the class gave me a serious reminder of how young I'm not.

Now I'm not training to be a fighter (I doubt that I could If I wanted to). I just really need to take better care of my body. The idea of going to that class is very unappealing to me. I know I'm going to suffer. I know I'm going to experience pain during class, and most likely for a couple days afterward. In fact, I actually woke up before my brother-in-law came into the room to get me. Part of me was hoping that he would forget and just go into work (no luck there). I was mentally wrestling with excuses and desires to simply stay in bed. I'm on vacation, I shouldn't have to work out ... I didn't get much sleep ... I'm playing volleyball later today and I need fresh legs ... and this list went on and on. Needless to say, the one wise brain cell that I have in me decided that I was going ... providing that he came and got me.

During the class, I hurt, I sucked wind, I broke wind, and I sweat like a swine. I ached, I stumbled, I fatigued, and I whimpered (but only to myself). As with my previous visit to the class, I didn't have enough fitness and stamina to perform the entire class, but I pushed myself as best as I could (doing all that I could to avoid puking and bringing shame upon myself and my brother-in-law). Nothing about my experience was appealing in the least. NOTHING AT ALL. However, when everything was said and done. When my heart rate dropped back down and I was able to speak intelligible again, I felt good about my quasi-accomplishment. I don't regret my choice to go. I don't think I ever would, but I can tell you I don't yearn to do it again, but I know that I must.

Isn't that so true with so many things that are unappealing in life? They don't excite us all that much, or get the salivary glands pumping, but we never regret them. On the other hand, there are things that take no convincing at all for me to indulge in, yet often times I seriously regret my choice of doing so. For instance, I don't particularly get excited about eating some low calorie salad, but I never regret the choice. However, I often crave greasy cheeseburgers with a basket of fries, swallowing the thing practically whole, and usually I regret that decision. I don't have to beg my body to sleep in and take naps, but I definitely feel depressed about the shape I'm in at times and how little energy I feel in comparison to how it "used to be".

I'm sure if we wanted to, we could list dozens of different examples where the thing that is appealing in the moment can easily be the regrettable thing, and the thing that doesn't seem appealing is the thing that you don't regret. Buying that new outfit that you stumbled upon is appealing, but sometimes when that check for the electricity bounces . . . regret sets in. On the other hand, passing on that gem of an outfit doesn't sound or feel appealing, but you never regret saving the money (or possibly making strategic plans for saving in order to purchase it with cash). I've known many people who couldn't fight the appeal of a relationship, or actions within that relationship and ended up with oceans of regret. I've also known people who have said "no" to relationships or actions within those relationships and never felt any regret.

So what does all of this jargon amount to? Is it possible that in the moments when something seems appealing, we out to consider the alternative (the unappealing thing) and try that first. After all, the things that are unappealing to me tend to be things that I rarely, if ever, regret.

Great Timing

Today I celebrate my 12th wedding anniversary. It's funny how life has moved by so quickly. It has had it's shares of ups and downs, but I have to say, it's amazing to me how smitten I still am with my wife.

So what are we doing differently? I have no idea, but something I read clued me in a bit today. The timing I found to be quite amusing. My wife and I have been on this Proverbs kick, where in addition to any other reading we do during the day, we always read a Proverb. We usually read the Proverb that corresponds to the date of the day (today being the 19th ... Proverbs 19).

Verse 14 is what caught my attention. "Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord." I couldn't have put it better myself. My wife is not only my wife, but she is also my best friend, and a blessing given to me from God. I just hope she got the same thing in return. I haven't come across the verse that talks about women inheriting a good man. I think we're more of a burden.

Anyhow, for those struggling with any relationships they might have, try to pause and reflect about what it is that you enjoy about them. What drove you to them in the first place? What memories stand out to you immediately? Cling to those things and remember them when harder times ensue. And to my lovely wife, all I can say is thank you for loving me these past 12 years, and putting up with me. I look forward to the next 12 years.